Your boyfriend is a liar, and shorter than me…

I spent much of my adult life thinking, with all certitude, that I was well over 6 feet tall. How did I know this? Simple. I was at least a couple inches taller than my dad, and growing up he had always told me he was 6 foot even.

So there I am, age 28, visiting the doctor for a checkup. After stepping on the scale, and getting a weight that was well on par with my household scale, I stood up straight and was measured for the first time in years. The verdict 5’ 11 ½”. My knees became woozy as I stepped down from the scale, 2 to 3 inches shorter than I was moments earlier.

After going through the necessary stages of grieving, I came to embrace my diminutive stature. Being 5’11” became a conversation piece whenever height came up, simply because I looked taller. 

So I was at a party, and some woman asked how tall I was. So I told her, and was overheard by another woman. “That can’t be, because you’re taller than my boyfriend,” she declared, boyfriend beside her, “and he is 6” 1’.” 

A hush fell over the small circle of partygoers.  You could hear a pin drop if it wasn’t for OutKast blaring in the other room. I tried to approach it tactfully, attempting not to emasculate him in her eyes and embarrass him in front of everyone.

“I don’t know how tall your boyfriend is,” I began, “I just know that I’m 5’11 ½”. I measured twice. Even standing up straight as possible.”

Everyone was silent. It was as if some great betrayal had occurred. In Victorian times he may have sought satisfaction from me via a duel.

Then everyone laughed. Everyone except him. We then spent the next 30 minutes, everyone kicking off their shoes, marking their height with pencil on the dingy apartment wall and measuring heights out with a tape measure.

Of course, the evening couldn’t end without me completely ruining something. The guy’s girlfriend and I were talking later, laughing about it. And I said, joking mind you, “it makes me wonder what else he’s keeping from you.” 

That one didn’t go over as well.

The end.