confessions of a nonlinearmind

High school reunion tonight

My high school reunion is tonight and I’m pretty nervous. Like most of my high school assignments, I did the planning and work on this one at the last minute. I just RSVP’d and sent in my $20 via PayPal. There’s about 75 people signed up to show, of which I only knew five or six and recognized the names of 10 or 15 more.

Why am I doing this? I still been unable to answer that for myself. I honestly think I’m looking for a challenge. Before I was injured, I don’t think I could’ve walked into my high school reunion by myself. I’m not sure what has changed besides the obvious.

The second thing that being paralyzed instantly takes away from you is your dignity. You’re lying on the ground unable to move and you need to physically be carried to an ambulance. Once you’re in the hospital and conscious, your modesty is quickly taken from you as male and female nurses and doctors are undressing you and redressing you, bathing you and helping you catheterize. If you are still too weak when you go home, it falls upon a loved one to do these things, in my case, it fell upon my mother. The process strips you down to your core.

I was thinking about that the other day, when I was trying to figure out why I’ve decided to go to my high school reunion. Maybe I figure “what on earth do I have to lose by going?”

A few years ago, when I decided to get back into life, I decided to myself, “I’m going to make this look good. I’m going to make this look easy, no matter how hard, and I’m going to smile while I’m struggling.”

So I guess that’s what I’ve done. I’ve tried to maintain a sense of dignity in a condition that strips so much of it away. Maybe that has something to do with why I’m going.

We’ll see what happens.