confessions of a nonlinearmind

Okay, true story… and untrue…

I always get asked what happened that landed me in a wheelchair. It’s the same every time.

Them: Were you in a car accident?

Me: No, a bike accident.

Them: A motorcycle or a bike bike? (yes, everyone says bike twice to clarify)

Me: Just a bike bike.

Them: Were you hit by a car?

Everyone is naive as to how easily one could be paralyzed. It’s amazing more aren’t. Statistically, you have a 1 in 300,000 of having a spinal cord injury, and if you do, there’s a 70% chance you’ll be a quadriplegic like I am - the neck is the most vulnerable part of your spine.

But I digress. I once came up with a fictional account of how I was injured, and I wanted to tell someone that I wouldn’t ever see again. As I mentioned before, I was in a nursing home for a bit and they don’t have x-ray facilities in-house, so when one is needed, they call an x-ray tech with a portable x-ray machine. I had pain in my knee and some swelling, so they called for a tech. He’s the one I laid my tale on.

Me: How did this happen to me? I don’t remember.

Him: What do you mean?

Me: “I don’t know how it happened. One day, I woke up, face down in the woods off the Potomac and I couldn’t move. So I screamed out as much as I could - my lungs were very weak. A couple on a walk found me, and I was rushed to the hospital. When I got there, they did an x-ray and discovered that I had had spinal stabilization surgery with plates done and fresh scars on my neck. My family was called and I learned that I had been missing for four months. The last thing I remember was leaving work on August 6th.”

Now, I made a point of talking with a straight face and little affect. He was riveted. After the x-ray, I heard him faintly talking to the nurses down the hall, so I’m not sure how long my story held up. I hope he still believes it to this very day.