I was just mean to a well-intentioned stranger and my inner Jiminy Cricket is kicking me

I was just transferring from my driver seat to my wheelchair in my apartment complex, and a stranger came up and asked if I needed help with anything, completely unsolicited.

I smiled and politely responded, “help with what?”

He stumbled around a bit, sort of mimed pushing a wheelchair, “help with…”Once he was completely uncomfortable, I said, “No, I’m fine. Thanks though.”

And then he walked away and now I feel a little bit guilty.

On the one hand, I hate being looked at as if I need taking care of and can’t do things for myself, or that, if I needed help, I would somehow be unable to ask for it myself.

On the other hand, he was eager to help. The question is, was he doing it for me or for the righteous feelings of self-worth he would gain for taking initiative and helping a disabled person? Let’s face it, many of the things that we do are to achieve that feeling.

Either way, he must’ve caught me at a bad time, as I usually just say, “I’m fine, but thank you.” I think it was the fact that he volunteered to help without even assessing my needs; I wasn’t really struggling with anything at the time.

What I have likely managed to do is leave the impression that disabled people must be bitter and don’t like to be helped. He would probably be less likely to offer to help someone in the future. That’s why I tried to track them down once I got out of my car, to apologize, but he was nowhere to be found. And now Jiminy Cricket is making me write this.

Your thoughts?

11 Notes/ Hide

  1. dextercolt answered: Be nice to two total strangers tomorrow. Put that good karma in the black.
  2. ivegotzooms answered: I’ve been yelled at for trying to help in a similar situation. I don’t offer anymore, but I feel like I understand why the person was angry.
  3. notactuallyme answered: We all have bad days where we take things wrong, so don’t be too hard on yourself. But yeah, what monkeyfrog said.
  4. tj answered: Cut yourself some slack. Try better next time. (This is my advice to nearly everyone about nearly everything.)
  5. socialismandrum answered: I don’t blame you. But go easy on silly humans. They mean well.
  6. mathcat345 answered: Maybe you’ll see him again in the complex and can give him a wave. I try not to wonder about motives when people offer help. “Pay it forward”
  7. lilykily answered: You really didn’t sound TOO TOO bad, but monkeyfrog is right. I think its lovely when a stranger ofters help (even when unwarranted).
  8. monkeyfrog answered: I get your point, but any time a stranger acts like a decent human being, I feel it should be encouraged. It’s rare. Thank you, then explain.
  9. nonlinearmind posted this